Knowing When to Stop

It is not always an easy thing to know when to stop. To listen to your body and realize when it is tired and then take the appropriate steps to lay down and rest. Most of us don't come by this skill naturally and our society does everything it can to keep us moving.

I was watching my son today who was obviously exhausted and he refused to stop. I tried to hold him and get him to settle down but he just fought his way out of my arms. I knew if I could just get him to stop moving he would fall asleep but he didn't know that the cause of all of his problems was exhaustion and he didn't know when to stop. Finally, my husband picked him up in his big Daddy arms and got him to settle down. It wasn't long until the two of them were happily snuggled together and my son's head lay lazy on his chest. Fitful screams had turned to deep sleepy breaths and all was better with the world.

Often times I find myself not knowing when to stop. I run and run and plan, all while completely ignoring the fact that I am not wonderwoman and my super powers (if I ever had any) ran out a long time ago. Instead I push myself to the point of exhaustion. I don't tell anyone no or admit that I can't do it all. I just stay up later and work harder. It makes me wonder if I'm coming across to people the same way that my son did to me. In all of my effort is only a whiny sound of fitful tantrum being heard?

Summer is always full of a lot of plans and activities. But I want to remember the summer with my family as an opportunity to enjoy time with them. Not as something that I just had to get through. Perhaps it's time to set a side the activities, games, and toys and stop...for awhile.

Not So Bad...

Today is not so bad. In fact today I am watching my son play and can almost ignore his disabilities completely. He's just so happy doing what he's doing and he's finding his own way of accomplishing the things he wants to do. Usually he cries for me to get a toy or help him and won't stop until I do. Today he is content and is finding ways to do things himself. I don't know if anyone will read this but this is HUGE!

Today is not so bad. I have found time to myself to blog to an invisible mass of readers who are out there and my son is still happily playing by himself. Every now and then he checks to make sure I'm still close by. But that's okay. I want him to still need me, but this little flair of independence is welcomed and encouraged.

Today is not so bad. I'm starting to think this day can only get better. Not only has my son played happily on his own he is now singing to himself and smiling. There is nothing like having a happy child to remind you of the joy that life has to offer.

Some days are VERY bad. They are full of challenges, struggles and in general not fun stuff. I don't like those days. I have to dig deep to find the strength to get through those days and I'm very thankful when they are over and I can put an end to the day. But just when I think I can't do another bad day I get a day like today. I get a few moments to breath and just enjoy being a mom. We get an opportunity to stay sheltered in our house and away from prying eyes and to just be us in our own little world. On those days I can't help but think today is not so bad.

The Short Bus

I hate the short bus. My son loves the short bus. Although to him it's just a bus that he gets to ride in. Short or long doesn't matter to him yet. He hasn't heard the comments about the short bus or seen the looks of people passing as it pulls up to our house.

I love our bus driver. She is awesome and truly seems to care for each of the kids while they are in her care on the bus. She sees the pain in my eyes some days as I hand my son over to her and always tries to bring a smile to me. I appreciate that. However, I still hate the short bus.

I'm looking forward to the end of the year when we will get a break from the short bus and my little boy can just be my little boy again and the short bus can sit in a garage far away from my house.

I think I will always hate the short bus.

What's A Special Momma?

Don't get me wrong. Every momma is special. Especially if you love your children and do your best to care for them. However, not every momma leads a special momma's life. What is a special momma life? It is when you are the momma of a child with special needs.

You see parenting a child with special needs is different from parenting a "normal" child. The requirements are different and the experiences are different. The way you do things don't follow conventional wisdom most of the time and you are required to be a problem solver with the most basic of tasks. When you are the momma of a child with special needs you quickly learn that it's not just your child who has special needs but rather you have discovered that you do too.

Every challenge, struggle, or difficult task your child experiences you experience to. Your heart breaks each time you see your child rejected, feeling left out, or struggling to do something other children take for granted. You cheer louder than others when they accomplish a milestone and you wait more patiently for the next one. You push yourself to the brink of exhaustion and then a little farther all in the effort to make something, anything, easier for your child.

You look for companions in your world of motherhood but find that they are few. You long for friendships of others who will say "I get it. I understand. I will cheer with you and I will give you my shoulder when you need it. You are not in this alone." However, more often than not you are left on the outer edge of the motherhood club as most cannot begin to fathom the life that you lead and mistake the need for compassion and encouragment as a desire for sympathy.

This is what it means to lead a special momma's life. But even with all of these challenges, struggles, and differences, you know you wouldn't trade it for the world. Because at night when you tuck that angel into bed and get the last smile of the day, the goodnight kiss, or squeeze of the hand you know that you are ment to be a Special Momma.